From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
