wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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