I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
