oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
