Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
