That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
