Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
