We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize