My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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