Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
