There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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