My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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