Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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