i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
