There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
