She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
