can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
