TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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