school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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