Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i dont even know how to be here
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
