I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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