everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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