Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
