I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
