I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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