remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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