I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize