every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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