You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
