the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize