Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
