who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
