i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
