Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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