I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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