She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
