My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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