his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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