The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
