Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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