im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
