My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
