I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
