Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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