You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
