gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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