My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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