East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
