Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
