really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm getting married
To pizza
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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