my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
