david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
