I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize