yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
