Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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