Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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