D3 body, D1 cock
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
