Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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