dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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