I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
