Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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