lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I will pee on everything he values.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
