smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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