his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
