I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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