How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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