Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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