dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
