She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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