Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
