New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
