oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
