Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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